seasons

 

I had the wonderful opportunity to get some time alone the past couple days. The dog was at doggie daycare and Abby, who has the most amazing selfless soul, offered to take Sebastian overnight. When she asked I felt reluctant because it actually made me feel like I was failing. I have struggled every single day Jason has been gone this time. Work, the day to day, exercise - all of it just feels like I am going through the motions. I’m just really tired and sad. I realized the isolation from moving, pregnancy, having a baby in addition to the events of the world and Jason being gone have finally caught up to me. I am a little depressed. I still try to find the joy in each day but I am also a little blue and I know that is ok. 



I am telling you all this because I think its important to be resilient and to put our best feet forward but its also ok to be vulnerable. I think vulnerability strengthens our relationship with God and potentially others around us if we let it. Those who have stood by me, showed up for me and kept the negativity out of my life during this time – those are the people who I know true and true will always be there. Someday I know God will provide me with the opportunity to repay them.



Life is truly beautiful if you allow yourself to look around even on your darkest days. One thing I absolutely preach and practice is to continue to show up for myself. I continue to show up first for ME, secondly for Sebastian and this little peanut I am growing and the other people in my life as well. For me that means taking time to exercise in the morning, eating healthy and sometimes getting a sitter or asking for help so I can have me time. I do have some "mom guilt" as people call it but honestly most of the time I don't have mom guilt because if I allowed mom guilt to stop me from taking care of myself, physically and mentally, what good am I to my family. 


Its easy to allow our day to days or sadness to create a tunnel vision. Tunnel vision will stop us in our tracks. Depression can create tunnel vision, it can prevent us from caring about anything around us including ourselves. If you are struggling I encourage you to break free from the tunnel. Be kind to yourself, show up for yourself. God doesn’t want you to spend your days missing the amazing world he has put us on. God also doesn't want you to be in control, he is in control and we have to just trust that he has our best interest at heart - because he does - ALWAYS. 


I know for some we don’t always know why we feel the way we do or when it will end but know for sure it will end for each and every one of us. The sun always makes its break from the clouds. Going forward I would encourage each of you to pray and seek out the small beautiful things in life God places in front of us each day. Our seasons of life can seem dry but the spring rains will always return.

Comments

  1. KristinaveJune 4, 2021 at 12:49 PM

    I discovered very early in my first child's life that I was a better mom when I gave myself permission to take " me time". And I had to convince myself at the time that it was better for him, too. Was it to make myself feel better? Probably. But he certainly never suffered because of it.

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    1. JoJo On the GoDecember 19, 2021 at 11:35 AM

      Sorry I am just seeing this but I would completely agree. I am learning that even more now as a mother of 2. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Thank you for commenting.

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