I am going to do WHAT!?

 

pro·phet·ic

adjective

accurately describing or predicting what will happen in the future.

Recently I have heard people talking about the prophecies God laid out for their lives. I always thought prophecies were for the “really holy people” – like pastors, people who are friends of the pastors – because those people are probably more holy than me. :D

Over the past two years I have been searching for Gods voice and what my new purpose is as a mom. Having come out of a very dark place on fire for the Lord, hearing him daily, this quiet place I have been in has been difficult. Every struggle just asking, what is God trying to teach me. Why don’t I hear him as clearly anymore?

 

                                                                     our sweet baby girl

I know I try to find the answer within myself which is a huge problem. The messages I am receiving are to start my day with God through devotion, prayer and worship. I do know the more I focus on these things the more clearly I hear God and the more at peace I feel about where I am at.

Most of you who read these blogs know I used to bounce around from one activity to another, one place to another, traveling the world and putting all my focus on my career and activities. Well most of us also know this lifestyle landed me in the deepest darkest seasons of my life.

                                                                                           little man cheesin'

After going through months of my darkest moments, shame, guilt, depression – I came out healthier than ever. I am so thankful I heard God telling me it was time to slow down in those moments. (I turned down an opportunity to lead a military project in Hawaii – that is how loud God was telling me to slow down)

Pastor Jim Wilkes said it best. “Your greatest ministry will not come out of your strength but out of your greatest pain”

Man, if this statement could not be truer.

I heard Gods voice so loudly in those quiet moments that summer. The intentional isolation I knew I needed to be in. The sadness, loneliness, grief, shame, depression. Gods presence was palpable in my life. When I met Jason, it was not a “sure thing”. I was terrified to get into a relationship. I continued to pray about our potentially merging life and I did not want to move to Cleveland without knowing it was Gods next move for me. At 35 it seemed a little silly to “move for a boy” and it would also seem I would continue to repeat patterns of rushing into things.

I have written about this before but I was in my car at lunch reading a book called “you will not be remembered for that” by Olivia Moore. No joke, I turn the page and the title of the next chapter is “Time for an address change”! I looked around in my car certain God was sitting in the back seat about the yell “boo”. That same week I was contacted by a recruiter for the job that I have now and I am not kidding you, my life/experiences has primed me to take care of the patients I have. I am also surrounded by the most amazing coworkers.

Years later I am skimming through my old IG posts and came across the one from the morning of the day I met Jason. We were in New Orleans for a military conference. The days that led up to us both getting there are pretty spectacular in itself. Things just aligned in both of our lives perfectly and it was the first time since returning from Afghanistan God was giving me the ok to get out and do something again.   

My previous employer was really large. We had a vacation draft almost a year prior each year to ensure the people off each week was spaced out. I had totally forgotten about asking for the days off and it just so happened the days I had off were also the days of this conference (not planned a year prior). On top of that I was able to go last minute on military orders and have the trip paid for.

The day I met Jason I woke up early to get a run in and watch the sunrise. I snapped a picture and posted it with the quote “so I close my eyes to old ends and open my heart to new beginnings”. That night I met Jason. It has taken me years to realize the peace I had inside and healing I had undergone was setting Jason and I up for the healthiest relationship I have ever had.

 


I want to keep writing but if anyone’s attention span is as short as mine you might not have even made it to this point in the blog post. Jason and I went to a marriage conference this past weekend. We know marriage is hard and its not all sunshine and roses. Jason and I have known each other for 3.5 years and married for 2.5 of that. We have had 2 children and the craziest part is we have never really had to live with one another consistently until this past year. There are growing pains for sure! BUT what I realize each and everyday when I look at him is that I love him so deeply and I would do anything to continue to move in a positive direction with him, under his protective wing. That is something I have never said about anyone.

 


So, without getting into a marriage lecture here is what I learned about prophecies. Anyone can experience one, I do think it takes setting some intention on silencing the chaos in your life and spending time with God so you can hear what his purpose is for your life. Do I still know my absolute purpose – not really to be honest. BUT I feel very much at peace with where I am because I know in my heart this was Gods plan and I will kiss my husband and children each and everyday knowing these are Gods blessings he has bestowed upon in my life.


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