twinkle twinkle

 

Kinsley, tonight I held you next to me a little tighter. You love to be snuggled and sung to, especially as the day winds down.

“twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are”

We sang this together tonight as we rocked in your chair, your head against my chest. I look at your tiny body and how much it has grown in my lap over the past 23 months. I think about the words of the song we are singing wishing you were old enough to understand time and that I will be away for 3 months. I wish you could look in the sky knowing I am looking at the same starry sky thinking of you.


I will miss your 2nd birthday this year, I will also miss Thanksgiving. I will miss 3 months of daycare drop off hugs, bath time giggles, & bedtime tickles with you and Sebastian. As the time for me to leave draws closer I already feel the hole in my heart opening to emptiness. This is a feeling I have never felt, a feeling I did not know I was capable of feeling.

Becoming a mom has opened up roads in my brain, roads that travel to my past, roads that travel to the future. Roads the travel to worry and overwhelming joy. I did not know I was capable of feeling so much. I didn’t know I could feel sad when an exciting new experience presents itself. Being a military kid will probably never be easy for you.  I know opportunities like these help me, your mom, continue to thrive emotionally because some self-fulfillment comes from roles outside of being your mom.I do feel this activation is part of God's big plan for our lives and we can always have trust in that.

“Then the traveler in the dark, Thanks you for your tiny spark…twinkle twinkle little star”

 




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